My life is so close to being absolutely perfect right now. my parents just bought a farm in Michigan, 10 hours away, and they're moving in six weeks. I get to move in with my brother who just bought a trailer house a mile away from where I live now, and who is turning 21 the weekend I move in. I registered for my spring classes, I have no math and no science. I'm taking creative writing, ethics, philosophy, criminal investigation and juvenile justice. does that not sound awesome? I'm hopefully getting a job at a coffee shop on campus, which is exactly what I wanted, because I fucking love coffee. I ran into a girl a couple weeks ago, who I met over a year ago. but that whole story would take way too long to tell. I'm a godfather now. my bestfriend had her baby about a month ago. little Carter has a damn good mom. good enough to make up for his less than ideal father. I feel like I've reached a healthy balance where drugs and alcohol are concerned. I'm not smoking weed right now because if I get caught, my situation goes downhill fast. I drink when I can, but I avoid situations where there's a possibility that I might do something I'll regret. and although cigarettes are a bitch to quit, I've cut down to just one or two a day now. I feel like I've reached a new level, where instead of bitching about things not falling together, I'm working to build things up the way I want. I'm really looking forward to this next year. this is easily the best time of my life so far(:        

never, ever, call a girl by the name of her twin sister. not good..

this world measures a successful life by the amount of money a person can make. even happiness has a price tag. the American dream is my nightmare. I plan on doing more by the age of 25 than most people do in their entire life. money is nothing more than a vehicle to get me to where I'm going. I'm gonna travel the world, I'm gonna do things that people only ever talk about doing. I'm gonna try new things and meet new people. hopefully in the next couple years I can get the money to do this. but if not, fuck it. the memories are gonna be worth the credit card debt. and when I get done with all this nonstop awesomeness, I'm gonna write a book about it. if I get lucky, it'll be a huge bestseller and I'll never have to work another day in my life. if I don't get lucky, I'll just be a cop.. (:    

it's not the short amount of time in life that really bothers me. what bothers me is that you only get one chance. one life. if you don't get it right the first time, too bad, you're done, it's over. you get one shot at being the person you want to be. and if you fuck it up, you don't get to try again. humanity has spent it's entire existence trying to avoid this fact, making stuff up to try and make themselves feel better about having a mediocre life. I can just picture some guy in a cave in deep thought, "damn it, that fucker just invented the wheel.. why didn't I think of that? it's so simple.. oh well, maybe in the next life. or in heaven! and if I'm goin to heaven, he must be going to hell!" then of course to make himself feel better about talking to himself, he pretends to talk to the guy in charge of his fantasy world. that's basically my theory of early religion, but I got off subject. the point is, the ones who make it the furthest in this world are the ones who accept that they only get one try, and decide to be the best that they can be. why settle for less if you only get one life? why not put in the extra effort to be great, instead of just good enough?  

I like how America was founded on more power to the people. if the people are supposed to have all this power, why the fuck is it that anything that has power is illegal? drugs guns and true freedom of speach. all powerful, all technically illegal. if you think guns are legal, go take one into a post office and start loading it. you think you have freedom of speach, start yelling fuck in the mall as loud as you can and see how long it takes for the cops to get there. if you think you have power, go try and use it once. let me know how it works out for you (: